interesting i used to hate chardonnay and now all of a sudden i don't

it's been a while since i've made a post here. 

i've written some stuff but failed to publish it because for whatever reason

i only feel inspired to write when something big (and most likely painful) has happened in my life so while everyone else is UPDATE! Just Moved To Big City And Booked Big Project And Also In Cute Relationship Where We Enjoy Traveling Together Because We Apparently Have The Funds Also We Live Vlog Our Dates To Mariano's Where We Have $2 Happy Hour Wine And Beer And Then Shop For Organic Dinner Ingredients Tonight Is Risotto (Isn't That Like... Your Dream? :-) ) Blessed 2 Be A Blessing!  

and i'm like 

haha yeah guess that's what non-consensual sex is damn haha that was weird! right? also i was going to be an au pair in amsterdam didimention? 

   but i don't want to just harp on the bad stuff or the sad stuff/ things that actually don't weigh me down for long- in fact, talking about these heavy topics gives great meaning to the emotional casualties and i find such topics the easiest to communicate fluidly :-) hah

making friends after school is weird? no longer are we bound by circumstance but by choice. like... i want to get on the bus, the train, walk 8 minutes, to come over and partake in a casual glass of wine. or i have to want to else we'll continue to say "yes! coffee! pleeeeeease yaaaaas pleaseeee it's been a long time coming a long long time yes! coffee!" but we both know, oh how well we know, that we won't. and it's not for a lack of desire! just... time. part time job #2. sleep? exercise. reading a book for the first time in three weeks and probably not finishing it. journaling and attempting to find grounding or whatever that means. saving money. not being able to find parking. seeing a play. part time job #1 that feels more full time these days. cracking a molar and having to go to the dentist 3 times and counting. meditating but accidentally taking a nap instead and somehow that lasted 3 hours. doing the artist way week #3 for the second time. "sorry, i'm not spending money this month."

but anyway, lately i've been forging friendships with people who are new and cool(tm) and that's really nice. really nice to expand my bubble on my world map. people who aren't in theatre. people who have interesting careers and do interesting things in their free time (like make crosswords for the new york times.) it's good to be surrounded by potential. 

i've signed with a voice over agency which is really exciting! because i would love to make money by talking and reading and sitting all at the same time! also! it's fun! 

i'm in a murder mystery company but am unsure of my feelings about it! much like how i feel uncertain if i want children one day!

i'm leaving for my first solo trip to my sweet dear dutch disneyland, amsterdam, in less than a MONTH! wow! i do hope to get married and settled down in those 8 nights. 

i go on LOTS of DATES and i meet LOTS of PEOPLE at places like bars at 2am! i've written a post on that but will share later! 

     

        my therapist suggested i get back into writing and this is my fair attempt to figure out what that means for me these days. this is my obligatory opening post because my ideas think that an entrance would be good; this would open a door to all of my thoughts and give them a room to join each other and become one cohesive conversation with myself. and you. all of us. here. together.
      i miss writing essays for college classes outside of my major- it felt like i could and also could not say whatever the fuck i wanted. a tantalizing game of chance. one which usually, gratefully, panned out in my favor. and that's why i think my journal entries are less inspired, more like laundry lists of gratitude and anxieties, three pages full of mantras and shit. 

and if i write here and post the link on my facebook then it will feel like i'm electronically submitting my 100% not plagiarized work to the student teacher of a 1000 level government course (i wrote a conspiracy study on the NRA and basically talked about how bush caused 9/11 maybe, because i wanted to, and i received an A and a note about how my paper was truly excellent. so. thanks 2am adderall).


Anyway. 

                                hi. 

                           me again. 

i hope you'll join me in my reflections and even have a conversation with me about them. we could get coffee. yeeeessss coffeeee!